Yep, it’s Press Your Luck Night, so let’s celebrate with a whammy pic my daughter drew.
Orange vanilla Pepsi, vanilla Pepsi, vanilla ice cream, vanilla body spray…
I guess when that person from myspace back in the stone ages called me ‘vanilla’ they were dead on. I know it was meant as a slam, but much as I love vanilla things…Bedroom wise, I’d like to think I’m a bit of a Baskin Robbins. LOTS of flavors.
Just not chains and whips and BDSM parfait.
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I have been rewired..
in my old age. A couple of military trucks were recently in town at the mini mart and one of the cammo wearing young guys called me ‘ma’am’ and I didn’t spazz. I actually felt…respected and a little flattered. Or was it turned on…Hmmm. Maybe I have a little domme in me, after all.
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Naughty naught
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were alone in the lounge of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, “I know just what you’re wanting. For $5.00 I’ll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair.”
The old lady looked surprised but didn’t say a word.
The old man continued, “For $10.00 I’ll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20.00, I’ll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you’ve had in 20 years.”
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20.00 bill and holds it up.
“So you want the nice romantic evening in my room?” says the old man.
“Get serious,” she replies. “Four times in the rocking chair!”
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tee hee
One day Steve’s mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting to her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home.
When Steve’s father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, “THIS is what I found in your son’s closet.”
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
After an uncomfortable minute of silence she finally asked him, “Well, what should we do about this?”
Dad looked at her and said, “Well I DON’T think we should spank him.”
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cheesy
*– The Smartest Dog –*
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”
“Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”
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Vanilla Pepsi…
Been a few lines since I mentioned how much I like vanilla flavored stuff.
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To be healthy- ish…
I did get some peach mango flavoring for my water. It has caffeine it but few calories so…healthy ish.
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latenight laughs…
“Goodwill has returned almost $100,000 in cash that was mistakenly donated to them in a black duffel bag. A spokesman for Goodwill said, ‘We’re not very bright.'” -Conan O’Brien
***
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
***
“A 94-year-old man is graduating from West Virginia University. Just imagine how awkward it’s going to be for the commencement speaker when he says, ‘You have your whole life ahead of you. Except that dude.'” -Seth Meyers
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FAIL
A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”
The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately.
A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. “My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”
“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man sobbing loudly, “I’m trying to give up drinking.”
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just wrong
*– The Dead Actress –*
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can’t remember… I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife.
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Buy that lottery ticket AFTER that divorce is final or you will pay
https://www.bizarrenews.com/
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He ‘agreed’ to testify after being served a subpeona.
I love this current administration where they get to choose whether to cooperate even when served with a court order. Talk about entitlement.
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Homeless shaming fail..
https://www.cnn.com/2019/06/25/us/community-helps-man-sleeping-mcdonalds-trnd/index.html?utm_source=CNN+Five+Things&utm_campaign=9af4051d4c-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2019_06_26_07_46&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_6da287d761-9af4051d4c-96359689
I love when the good of people shows through and the assholes are left, well, being assholes, alone.
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He wanted top be a soldier when he grew up but cancer stopped that dream. Instead a plethora of military attended his funeral. He was a 5 year old.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/06/25/us/oakley-nimmo-arkansas-funeral-cancer-trnd/index.html?utm_source=CNN+Five+Things&utm_campaign=9af4051d4c-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2019_06_26_07_46&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_6da287d761-9af4051d4c-96359689
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Just cos you’re in jail doesn’t remove your human rights…
Please help me before its to(o) late.
Henry Clay Stewart, a 60-year-old man who died in a Virginia jail after trying unsuccessfully to get medical assistance for almost a month. A CNN investigation exposes preventable deaths and dangerous care that government agencies have failed to stop.
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Beautifully Random Stuff 